MEMBERS RESPOND TO QUESTIONNAIRE
As part of WIWA’s long-range planning process, the Strategic Plan Steering Committee sent out a 10-item questionnaire to all 190 association members in January. To our delight, the response was strong: 68 members, or 35 percent, responded—an extraordinarily high percentage for a direct-mail questionnaire. Thanks to all who responded; you’ve given us some incredibly useful feedback.

Some sections of the questionnaire asked which programs you participate in (and how often). Other sections asked for written comments. Overall, the questionnaire results revealed a good deal of satisfaction with and support for our current programs along with a wish for more local programs and activities, including one-day workshops and retreats. There was a great deal of support for offering more programs on Whidbey’s north end, as well as for more programs for youth and for beginning writers of all ages.

Significantly, in response to a question asking members to name WIWA’s three greatest problems, 51 of the 68 responders either left the question blank or wrote in that they weren’t aware of serious problems. Many of those who mentioned specific problems also noted that those areas were improving, particularly where organizational, structural and financial matters are concerned.

Your responses to this questionnaire will be one of the major elements guiding us as we plan our activities for the next five years. Thanks again for taking the time to respond so fully — and so enthusiastically.

Strategic Planning Steering Committee
Gail Madden, Candace Allen, Jerry Mercer, Dorothy Read, Nancy Ruff, Murray Anderson, Elizabeth Guss, Erika Sanders, Wayne Ude

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WIWA 2005 ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP MEETING
All WIWA members are invited to attend the Whidbey Island Writers Association Annual Meeting on May 18, 6:30-8:30 p.m. in the Front Room at Bayview Corner in Langley. Take this opportunity to meet your fellow members and the WIWA Board of Directors, and to give your input on your writing association.

Also at the meeting, one board member will be elected to fill the director's position that expires in May 2005. If you would like to be considered for the Board of Directors, or if you would like to submit a nomination, send a resume to WIWA, P.O. Box 1289, Langley, WA 98260. The meeting will also feature a speaker from the writing community, provide a review of the past year, and discuss plans for the future.

If you have questions about your membership, please email wiwa@whidbey.com . Or if you would like to renew membership or join WIWA, print the membership application from our website at www.writeonwhidbey.org and send it and your $20 annual membership fee to WIWA.

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SPRING WRITING CLASSES FROM WIWA
Spring is in the air, and spring writing classes have been announced. Why not follow through with that New Year's resolution to devote more time to your writing by participating in one of these great classes. Classes are supportive and nurturing places to work with your craft, plus meet your fellow WIWA members.  All classes are only $95.00 for WIWA members, $105.00 for non-members. Scholarships and financial assistance are available.  Classes currently meet at Trinity Lutheran Church in Freeland.  To register, call our office at 360.331.6714 or email at wiwa@whidbey.com .

* Fiction Workshop, Wednesdays, April 13 June 1, 1- 3:30 p.m.
For both intermediate and advanced fiction writers. This class will accept both short stories and chapters from novels. Three pieces of writing from each class member will be discussed and critiqued during the term. 
Instructor: Wayne Ude, M.F.A.

* Advanced Fiction Workshop, Mondays, April 11-June 27, 2-4 p.m.
This workshop focuses on works written by group members. You will share excerpts of longer works and have the opportunity to present three chapters to be discussed in class and critiqued by the instructor. Limit 12 students. Note: This class has pre-registered full.
Instructor: Wayne Ude, M.F.A.

* The Nonfiction Essay, Thursdays, April 14-June 2, 1-3:30 p.m.
The world is so stuffed with fascinating phenomena that one need not "make things up" to be thoroughly entertaining. The art form of essay writing has grown in quality and complexity in the last half century. We nonfiction writers have suddenly found ourselves in a very desirable genre; even documentaries have swept away prizes in the Seattle Film Festival. Come learn the skills of essay writing. By writing prompts in class and skill building sessions on metaphor, structure, description, translating science or politics into an accessible form, you will learn to write good, strong essays…and perhaps change the tide of history, the hearts of the public, or your own life through this enjoyable form. Minimum 9 students.
Instructor: Susan Zwinger, M.F.A., Ph.D.

* Public Presentation, Fridays, April 15-June 3, 1-3:30 p.m.
Believe it or not, speaking and reading from your works is great fun. In addition, it is a necessary and essential part of the writing and publishing process. When a publisher says, "Will you go on a reading tour?" you say, "When?" Yet, so many suffer from phobias about standing in front of people or about the strength of their own words. No matter where you stand in experience, fear and trepidation, or confidence, this class will use a series of exercises to teach skills, poise, thinking on one's feet, movement, emotional phrasing, and communication. By the end of the class, you will be a much better speaker. Minimum 9 students.
Instructor: Susan Zwinger, M.F.A., Ph.D.

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MASTER CLASS SCREENWRITING RETREAT
The Whidbey Island Writers Association will host Richard Krevolin, author, playwright, screenwriter, professor and recent Whidbey Island Writers Conference presenter, in a master class screenwriting retreat June 24-26 at Ashingdon Manor in Langley on Whidbey Island. Cost for the weekend retreat, limited to 12, is $475 and includes a three-course Saturday lunch. The retreat begins on Friday, June 24th at 7 p.m. Participants will be able to make their own lodging reservations at Ashingdon Manor and other local establishments. To register and get lodging information, call 360-331-6714 or email wiwa@whidbey.com .

The purpose of the retreat is to create a nurturing environment in which students can immerse themselves in the world of storytelling while taking advantage of Krevolin's expertise in the areas of character development, story structure, dialogue and the business of screenwriting. Aspiring screenwriters will work with Krevolin in an intense, constructive workshop environment to create commercially viable and award-winning work. Students are expected to bring an idea for a new script or pages from a work in progress. All students can anticipate spending a significant amount of hands-on workshop time dedicated to the development of their stories.

Playwrights, novelists, and short-story writers are also encouraged to consider attending this retreat. The story development rules Krevolin will present will apply well beyond the medium of screenwriting.

Richard Krevolin is a graduate of Yale University. He earned his masters degree in screenwriting at UCLA's School of Cinema-Television, and a master's degree in playwriting and fiction from USC. For 15 years, he has taught both undergraduate and graduate screenwriting classes at USC Cinema/TV School as well as UCLA Film School, Ithaca and Pepperdine. Under his guidance, his students have sold film scripts and TV shows to Universal, Paramount, Dreamworks SKG and numerous other studios and production companies.

He is the author of the books, Screenwriting From The Soul (St. Martins Press), Pilot Your Life (Prentice-Hall), and How To Adapt Anything Into A Screenplay (Wiley & Sons). He has several screenplays under option and in development. His newest script, How to Shag a Woman Properly, will be shot this year and released in 2006.

"There are few teachers like Richard Krevolin who approach their craft with the passion, enthusiasm, and sincere desire to help each student develop into the best writer they can be,” said Richard Bagdazian, president, San Diego Screenwriter's Association. “He does all this and provides a wonderfully nurturing, and creative experience for screenwriters at all levels.” Learn more about Krevolin at http://www.profk.com .

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WIWA ANTHOLOGY OF WRITINGS AND RECIPES
Like language, food is inextricably linked to our identity, our memory and our storytelling. We use food to celebrate, comfort and commiserate. Food is family, nurturing, history and memory. The stories that surround food and our memories or imaginings of particular meals or dishes become the catalysts for understanding within our everyday lives.

WIWA is compiling a cookbook filled with recipes and the stories or poems associated with those recipes. We are asking you to join us in creating this very special anthology. Tell us a story; evoke a memory; relive a moment associated with a particular dish –– and send us the recipe. Judges will be members of the WIWA Board of Directors and local Whidbey Island chefs and caterers. Authors selected for publication will receive a complimentary copy of the final publication.

Simultaneous submission and previously published work will be accepted. Multiple submissions are permitted. Submissions must be postmarked on or before June 30, 2005. Entry fee is $5 per submission for WIWA members, $10 per submission for non-members. Mail submissions and entry fee to: Whidbey Island Writers Association, P.O. Box 1289, Langley, WA 98260. Make checks payable to WIWA.
Submission of manuscript and recipe constitutes permission to use the material and the author's name and/or quotes in publicity and in the final publication. Submissions returned with SASE.  For more information and the format for entries go to www.writeonwhidbey.org .

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BENEFACTOR'S AWARD WRITING CONTEST
The Whidbey Island Writers Conference received more than 100 submissions to its Benefactor's Award writing contest, which, this year, honors Nancy Nordhoff for her support of the Whidbey Island Writers Association and its new Master of Fine Arts Program in Creative Writing. Nordhoff, founder of Goosefoot Community Fund and Hedgebrook, a nonprofit retreat for women writers, presented the grand prize award to Diana Greenwood for her young adult fiction story "Three Penny Poet." Greenwood also won first place in the children's category. Other winners include:

Fiction, judged by Don McQuinn
First - "The Moon, the Stars, My Heart" by Sara Wiseman of Salem, OR
Second - "Born of Water," by Katrina Stonoff, of Chehalis, WA
Third - "The Measure of Her" by Mary Claire Mahaney of McLean, VA
Tie for fourth - "Ghosts of War" by T. Dawn Richard o Colbert, WA
Tie for fourth - "The Choice" by Diane Adair of Coupeville, WA

Children's, judged by Jane Yolen
First - "Three Penny Poet" by Diana Greenwood of Napa, CA
Second - "Mama I'm Sleepy" by Molly Johnson of Bellingham, WA
Tie for third - "Chocolate, the Turtle's Finest Moment" b Diane Adair of Coupeville, WA
Tie for third - "Hedgehog" by Anna Sheehan of Drain, OR
Fourth - "The Floppy Flaps" by Ann Spier of Winnetka, CA
Runner-up - "The Turnipseeds Take Off" by Sarah Hager of Bellevue, WA

Poetry, judged by Sheila Bender
First - "A Place Remembered" by Julian I. Taber of Clinton, WA
Second - "The Italian Waiter" by Natalie Olsen of Freeland, WA
Third - "How Many Barrels?" by Sarah Hager of Bellevue, WA
Fourth - "Impurities Are the Weight of Water" by Molly Johnson of Bellingham, WA
Runner-up - "Sweet Silence" by Nasus Terhune Nunn of Coupeville, WA

Nonfiction judged by Gary Ferguson
First - "Persistent Ruthlessness" by Keith Deshaies of Kent, WA
Second - "I Went on a Tour of Our Moral Values and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" by Cameron Castle of Freeland, WA
Third - "How I Learned to Stop Listening and Start Traveling" by Nancy Pellegrini of Beijing, PR China and New Bern, NC
Fourth - "After the Fall" by Mary G. Cook of Juneau, AK
Runner-up - "Strong Women: Chick Flicks vs. Macho Movies" by Dena Burke of Seattle, WA

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ON THE ISLAND
Burning Word Poetry Festival
The Washington Poets Association present Burning Word 2005: A Festival of Poetic Fire, Saturday, April 30, 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. at Greenbank Farm on Whidbey Island. The event will feature a nonstop main stage, workshops, hours of open mics, small press and book fairs, and art and poetry installations. More than 40 poets and musicians will take part, ranging from internationally acclaimed, award-winning poets to hot new talents you'll want to discover.

Among those confirmed are Sam Hamill, distinguished poet, translator, publisher, activist and editor, recipient of the WPA’s Lifetime Achievement Award; and Canadian legend Bill Bissett. Other Main Stage talent includes: Negesti Abebech, Judith Adams, Robin Barre, Bart Baxter, Sean Bentley, Allen Braden, Jordan Chaney, Gloria Burgess, Dustin Miguel Fox, Matt Gano, Murray Gordon, Tara Hardy, Jana Harris, Lorraine Heally, Christopher J.  Jarmick, Laura Jensen, Peter Lawlor, Claudia Mauro, Tim McNulty, Paul E. Nelson, Peter Pereira, evalyn parry, Charles Potts, Dan Raphael, David Ritchie, Mary Lou Sanelli, Sarah Singer, M. Anne Sweet, Joni Takanikos, Buddy Wakefield, Michael Dylan Welch, Jane Winslow, Koon Woon, the WPA Student Contest Winners and the Youth Speaks Slam Team.

A second venue at Greenbank Farm’s comfortable Jim Davis House will become the House of Open Mics with more than eight hours of hosted open mic opportunities, special readings and featured readers. All interested poets will have a chance to read their work beginning bright and early and throughout the day. The Jim Davis House is also the site of the community room where people can pick up literature about other literary events and network with your fellow poets.

The Workshop Tent will provide the third festival venue, which will host educational poetry and performance workshops presented by noted poets and teachers from 9 a.m. throughout the day. Workshop presenters include Elizabeth Austen, bill bissett, Tara Hardy, Leonard Orr, Stephen Roxborough and Michael Dylan Welch.

Burning Word festival will also host a Small Press Fair, a bookstore, book signings and the art/poetry installation "Doorgan" by regional artists, the Dharmic Engineers.

While at Greenbank Farm, festival goers can enjoy expansive water views, a hike on the miles of beautiful trail, a delicious lunch or dessert at Whidbey Pies Cafe, or a glass of wine at the Farm's Wine Shop. All day, all-event passes are $14 for adults and $7 for students.

The festival also has opportunities for poets to publish their work as well as support the festival. By buying a space in the '05 Burning Word festival program for a poem of your own, or of another favorite poet, you get published, help create a poetry chapbook, and support the festival all in one poetic swoop.  

The small business card size at $50 is space enough for an elegant stanza, inspiring quote or brilliant haiku, and the half-page size at $125 will hold most "regular length" full poems. Longer poems? A full page is only $225. The more poetry printed in the program, the more it becomes a "Burning Word Festival Chapbook" and a keepsake. For the details call Victory Schouten at 360-331-7099 or email victory@greatpath.com . For more information about Burning Word visit http://www.washingtonpoets.org  .

Housing Needed For Poets
Burning Word coordinator Victory Schouten is looking for housing for poets coming to the poetry festival from out of the area. Islanders who have a guestroom or a futon available for Friday, April 29 and possibly Saturday, April 30, are urged to contact her at victory@greatpath.com or 360-331-7099. Last year's hosts reported enjoying the experience, and in several instances received private poetry readings.

WIWA-Sponsored Writing Groups
The North Whidbey Writers' Group is meeting regularly at Great Times Espresso in Coupeville on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays at 1p.m. The informal format includes a sharing of information about opportunities to enhance skills and to publish; some "fun" quick-write activities; and the reading of members' works-in-progress for group feedback. The climate is friendly--writers helping each other. Writers of all genres and experience levels are welcome.

The South Whidbey Writers' Group meets the first and third Wednesday of each month, 1 p.m. to 4 p.m., at Trinity Lutheran Church in Freeland (Hwy 525 and Woodard Rd.) The meeting is in the small building closest to Highway 525. For more information, contact Natalie Olsen at thegnat@whidbey.com or call 360-331-7709.

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OFF THE ISLAND
Washington Poets Association Awards
Whidbey Island poets are among the winners of the 2005 Washington Poets Association Awards, which will be presented Saturday, April 2, 2 p.m. at the Frye Art Museum in Seattle. All poets who received recognition in the WPA's four contests--the William Stafford Award, the Carlin Aden Award (form), the Charlie Proctor Award (humor), and the Francine Porad Award (haiku)--have been invited to read their poems. Also scheduled to read are the four judges: Martha Silano, Marian Blue, Terry Martin and Christopher Herold. Admission to the presentation and readings is free.

The 2005 winners include: Serafina Strickland, Langley, third place, William Stafford Award; Ann Gerike, Coupeville, second place, Carlin Aden Award (form); Patricia J. North, Clinton, honorable mention, Carlin Aden Award; Gordon Bainbridge, Greenbank, honorable mention, Charlie Proctor Award (humor).

Bart Baxter Poetry in Performance Contest
Finals competition is set for Saturday, April 2, 7 p.m. at Richard Hugo House in Seattle. Competing 2005 Finalists are Jordan Chaney, Jed Myers, David Fewster, Alexis Topete Nye, Gregory Hischak, Glenn Reed, Priya Keefe, David Rizzi, Da Mar, M. Anne Sweet, Aundria Martinez-Parkan. Also featured is 2004 winner, Karyna McGlynn. Admission is free, donations appreciated. For details, go to http://www.hugohouse.org

Kaminsky Workshop and Poetry Reading
Cranky Literary Journal will present two events featuring San Francisco-based poet Ilya Kaminsky, author of Dancing in Odessa (Tupelo 2004), which won the Dorset Prize and Poetry Magazine's Ruth Lilly Fellowship. Kaminsky will hold a workshop and reading Sunday, April 3, at the Richard Hugo House in Seattle. His workshop, "Contemporary American Poetry: Master Class Workshop with Ilya Kaminsky" will take place from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.; fee is $95. At 7 p.m., he will read from a work-in-progress which he refers to as a book-length fairy tale in verse. Three talented local poets, James Arthur, Anna Maria Hong, and Eric McHenry will also read. Admission is $5 at the door. For details or to register go to http://www.failedpromise.org/workshop.htm or contact Amber Curtis 206-328-4518 or cranky@failedpromise.org .

Wordstock Book Festival
Portland launches the first annual Wordstock Book Festival April 19-24 at the Oregon Convention Center. A bookfair April 23-24 will feature panel discussions and readings by more than 150 authors on three general stages, a cooking stage, and a kids' stage as well as a special Kids' Discovery Area. There will also be more than 100 exhibitors –– publishers, booksellers, writing and literacy organizations. For more info about the Bookfair, visit http://www.wordstockfestival.com/event/fair.

Walla Walla Poetry Party
The 2005 rendition of the Walla Walla Poetry Party will be upstairs in The Temple at 129 E Alder, April 14-16, each evening from 7-10 p.m.. Poets from New York, Michigan, Texas, Tennessee and California will join poets from Walla Walla and the Pacific Northwest to celebrate the poetic rites of spring. A special musical treat this year will be a Friday appearance by The Charlie Potts Magic Windmill Band and their original New York country style music.  For more information call 509-522-0766.

Voices in Wartime
Poet Sam Hamill urges writers to help celebrate the April release of the film, Voices in Wartime, by hosting small gatherings to encourage conversations. Voices in Wartime is a feature-length documentary that delves into the experience of war through powerful images and the words of poets – unknown and world-famous. Poets around the world, from the United States and Colombia to Britain, Nigeria, Iraq and India, share their poetry and experiences of war. Soldiers, journalists, historians and experts on combat interviewed in Voices in Wartime add diverse perspectives on war’s effects on soldiers, civilians and society. Visit http://www.voicesinwartime.org to learn about hosting a gathering.

Check out these other sites for events of interest:
Seattle Mystery Bookshop; http://www.seattlemystery.com
Third Place Books, Seattle; http://www.thirdplacebooks.com
Song & Word, San Juan Islands, WA; http://www.songandword.com

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THE WORLD ACCORDING TO STUDENT BLOOPERS
by Richard Lederer
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following history of the world from genuine, authentic, certifiable, and unretouched student bloopers collected by teachers around the globe, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. (The World According to Student Bloopers, rolled 'em in the aisles during my keynote address at the Whidbey Writers Conference.)

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert, which they cultivated by irritation and over which they traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irrigation. Ancient Egyptian women wore a clasiris, a loose-fitting garment which began just below the breasts which hung to the floor.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, “Am I my brother's son?” Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch, who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments, but he died before he ever got to Canada. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns -- Corinthian, Ironic, and Dork. They also created myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the river Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in the Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote the Oddity in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the Java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands.

Eventually, the Romans came along and conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Caesar expired with these immortal words upon his dying lips: “Eat you, Brutus!” Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

The Romans were overrun by the ball bearings. Then came the Middle Ages, when everyone was middle aged. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the age of shivery, with brave knights on prancing horses and beautiful women. King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and cannonized by Bernard Shaw. People contracted the blue bonnet plague, which caused them to grow boobs on their necks. Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offence. People performed morality plays, about ghosts, goblins, and other mythical creatures.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.

It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible and removable type. Sir Walter Raleigh discovered cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a Queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote 'Donkey Hotel.' the next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pintacolada, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this is known as the Pill’s Grim Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squaws carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks on their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

The United States was founded by four fathers. Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his very own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.

On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in the moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a lot of music and had a great many children. He kept an old spinster up in his attic on which he practiced every day. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Ludwig Von Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species, Madman Curie discovered Radio, and Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Dr. Richard Lederer and his daughter, Katy Lederer, author of Poker Face, were presenters for WIWC 2005. Richard is the author of more than 3,000 books and articles about language and humor, including his best-selling Anguished English series. You can explore his Web site at http://www.verbivore.com .

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RECENT RELEASES
Mergers & Acquisitions Security, by Dr. Gerald L. Kovacich, Butterworth-Heinemann
Gerald Kovacich's new co-authored book, his eighth, will be released on April 15. The book centers on the security issues, such as the need for due diligence, relative to today’s many mergers and acquisitions. Kovacich has also signed a contract with Butterworth-Heinemann to author his ninth book, Security Metrics Management, to be completed this fall; as well as two other contracts to complete second editions of two of his popular security books, Information Assurance and High-Technology Crime Investigator’s Handbook.

An Island Full of Laughter, edited by Jerry Mercer
This 160-page book includes humorous stories, poems and jokes from 21 of Whidbey Island's best writers. It sells for $14.95 and makes a fine gift for Whidbey Islanders and people who wished they lived here. Mercer will deliver books anywhere on Whidbey and will fill mail orders for an extra $2.50. He'll also sign copies if requested. Contact him at lamont1040@earthlink.net or 360-678-4813.

The Archipelago, by Lorraine Healy
Lorraine Healy's newest chapbook can be ordered on line directly from the publishers at http://members.aol.com/finishingbooks/index.html

Mute Note Earthward, an anthology from the Washington Poets Association
Mute Note Earthward, the Washington Poets Association’s first annual juried anthology, contains 51 poems by members of the Washington Poets Association, including several members of WIWA. A panel of three judges selected the poems for the collection out of 217 submissions. To learn more about the anthology and purchase a copy, visit http://www.washingtonpoets.org/

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CHEERS
Richard Lederer, keynote speaker at the 2005 Writers Conference, has a major article appearing in the March/April issue of AARP The Magazine. "The Way We Word" discusses the words and phrases from youth that have gone missing and what their vanishing tells us about our lives. With a circulation of 22,000,000, AARP is the most widely read magazine in the world. Read the article at http://www.aarpmagazine.org/lifestyle/Articles/the_way_we_word.html

Otis Twelve, one-time Benedictine monk, former disk jockey and long-time friend and participant of the Whidbey Island Writers Conference, recently won the 2005 Lit Idol contest for his crime novel On the Albino Farm. The contest awards Otis with a literary agent from Curtis Brown UK. Also known as Doug Wesselmann, Otis picked up his award March 14 at the London Book Fair.  Otis' novel in progress, Black Time, was recently named a Faulkner Creative Writing Competition semi-finalist, and his novel, Sometimes a Prozac Notion, was short-listed for the British Crime Writers' Association Debut Dagger Award. His short story Life Among the Bean Bugs was named second place winner by judge Richard Russo in the 2005 North American Review's Kurt Vonnegut Prize Competition.

Martha Martin reports that her book Chipper, the Heroic Chipmunk, is reviewed in the March/April issue of Wee Ones magazine.

Anjali Banerjee's book, Maya Running, is attracting major attention –– she's doing readings, having interviews, and receiving good reviews, including one in the Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books, which has this to say: "Middle-schooler Maya Mukherjee is the daughter of an Indian father and a half-Indian, half-British mother, and in 1970s Canada this makes her an outsider with a feeling of enormous vacancy: 'For rent, for lease, room inside Maya.' When her glamorous cousin Pinky comes over from the subcontinent for a visit, Maya borrows Pinky's statue of Ganesh, the Hindu elephant god, and slowly begins to reveal her insecurities and deepest longings to the 'Remover of Obstacles'; to her complete shock, the statue comes to life and grants every one of her wishes. This eloquently composed 'Be careful what you wish for' tale provides a winning balance of identity fiction and fantasy. Maya's internal monologue is insightfully written, and the poignancy of her pubescent longings gone awry (her parents completely lose their identity as they robotically do whatever Maya wants them to do, and her dream boy becomes stalker-like in his devotions) speaks silent volumes to readers. Banerjee's is a promising new voice in the middle-grades literature scene, and this is a compelling and imaginative examination of being caught between worlds and of learning to accept the beauty of life's flaws and challenges."

Banerjee has been to the WIWA Conference and has great things to say about it. Check out her Web site and see the excellent progress of her career: http://www.anjalibanerjee.com/

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CREATE A WRITING PRESENCE ON THE WEB
Writers, WIWA wants to promote you and your writing by helping you develop a presence on the Web. If you have a personal Web site and you are a member of WIWA, we'll create an online link from the Resources section of our Web site, http://www.writeonwhidbey.org/Resources_Links/Resource_Home.htm, to your personal Web site about writing. This is your opportunity to showcase your writing, sell your books or advertise your writing services. All sites must be about writing and are subject to WIWA's approval. To set up a link, email the Webmaster at WebAdmin@WriteOnWhidbey.org with your full name and the link to your Web site. This service is free to WIWA members.

Need help creating a Web site? Contact the Webmaster at WebAdmin@WriteOnWhidbey.org  about design and publishing services that are available for a reasonable fee. In addition, WIWA can host your writing site on its Web site for $50 a year. Let WIWA help you connect your writing to the Web.

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CONTESTS AND MARKET REQUESTS
American Short Fiction magazine
After publishing regularly from 1991-98, American Short Fiction is relaunching in Fall 2005 and is now accepting manuscripts. The magazine has featured the work of writers such as Naguib Mahfouz, Joyce Carol Oates, Reynolds Price,Hortense Calisher, Andrea Barrett, Antonya Nelson and Dagoberto Gilb.
Visit http://www.americanshortfiction.com to learn more.

Maritime Literature Awards
Nominations are now being accepted for the 2005 United States Maritime Literature Awards. The contest accepts nonfiction maritime books in three divisions: Young Reader's, for audiences at 12 and under; Adult, for audiences age 13 and above; and Foreign Country, for a maritime book published outside the United States. All nominated books must have been published in the last calendar year and postmarked by May 31. For more information visit http://www.usmaritimeawards.com .

The Wandering Hermit Review
A new, twice-yearly independent arts and literary journal, is looking for poetry and fiction, essays and reviews, comics and art. The Hermit will be a perfect bound, digest size journal of 120 to 150 pages. Send questions and submissions with a brief bio to: whrev@yahoo.com

The Predator Press Chapbook Competition
Inkwell Literary Services invites submissions to the annual Predator Press Prose Chapbook Competition.  One winning manuscript will be chosen and published as a professionally-designed chapbook with a four-color, glossy cover.  The winning writer will also receive $400 and 25 copies. Deadline is October 15; call 806-438-2385 or email inkwellliterary@mac.com .

Short story anthology
Both established writers and new voices are welcome to submit short stories to Hourglass Books for its anthology, Peculiar Pilgrims: Stories From the Left Hand of God, exploring the spiritual realm: "adventures in unorthodoxy, encounters of the fourth kind, mysterious ways, unbounded grace, strange coincidences ... things you will never read about in Sunday School (except in the church of your imagination)." See the author submission guidelines on http://www.hourglassbooks.com .

O2 Magazine
Washington State’s first youth-driven, anti-tobacco publication seeks tobacco prevention artwork, poems, photographs, and stories by youth. Submissions are chosen for cash prizes each month. Visit http://www.unfilteredtv.com/o2magazine for more information.

Manuscripts wanted
The Author-Editor Clinic is looking for book-length projects (max. 350 pages) for its summer mini editing session, June 1-29, taught by Barbara Sjoholm, the founder of Seal Press. Each author chosen will receive approximately 20 to 30 hours of reading and editing time and a substantial written critique. The cost is $400. If you are interested in in-depth structural editing and would like your manuscript considered, contact Karalynn Ott at ottmcgee@comcast.net or visit http://www.authoreditorclinic.com. The deadline for queries is May 6.

Chrysanthemum Chapbook
The publication Chrysanthemum is looking for poems for its upcoming issue, set for spring or early summer. The small zine appears in chapbook form, but has featured many nationally-known poets since 1990. No particular theme is necessary. Poets may submit their poems to Koon Woon, by email at nooknoow@aol.com or by mail to 202 6th Ave. S.,#1105 Seattle, WA 98104-2303 c/o Chrysanthemum.

Philip Levine Prize in Poetry
The MFA Program in Creative Writing at California State University, Fresno, announces the 2005 Philip Levine Prize in Poetry. Winner receives $1,500 prize and publication by Anhinga Press. Philip Levine will be the final judge. Entry fee is $25; deadline is Sept. 15. All poets are eligible except current or former faculty or students of California State University, Fresno. Go online at http://www.csufresno.edu/crwr for details, or email levineprize@listserv.csufresno.edu.

Scriptapalooza
Final deadline to enter the Scriptapalooza screenwriting competition is April 15. All the judging is done by 60 production companies, and Entertainment Weekly Magazine calls the contest "one of the best." First place prize is $10,000, and the top 13 winners are promoted for a full year. The top 30 winners get software from Write Brothers. Finalists, semifinalists and quarterfinalists get requested consistently, and all the scripts requested by companies are posted on the Scriptapalooza Web site: www.scriptapalooza.com , or call 323-654-5809 for more information.

Creative Nonfiction contest
A $1,000 prize is offered by the magazine Creative Nonfiction for the best submission focusing on Italian-American writing (or writing about Italian-Americans; you needn't be Italian-American to submit). Complete guidelines are at http://www.creativenonfiction.org .

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CYBER SURFING
Marian Blue suggests that writers interested in second person fiction writing visit this site: http://members.westnet.com.au/emmas/2p/

A Web edition of “The Writer’s Almanac” is at http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/ . The daily program of poetry and literary history, hosted by Garrison Keillor, is broadcast each day on public radio stations throughout the country. Keillor selects works from an eclectic library of poems and tells fascinating tales about authors as varied as Edgar Allan Poe, Susan Sonntag, Charles Dickens and Rex Stout. Sign up for free emails to have the column delivered to your inbox daily.

Poets & Writers mails a free monthly e-newsletter that includes invaluable tips, news and information, including reminders on upcoming deadlines for grants and awards. Sign up at http://www.pw.org/ .

If you find a Web site you think other writers would like to visit, send us the URL.

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TO CONTACT US OR SUBMIT AN ARTICLE
We are interested in hearing from you. Perhaps you’ve been to a recent book fair, heard a favorite author speak, or learned valuable tips from a writing class. Perhaps you’re a professional willing to share your expertise. If you would like to submit an article; tell us about your good news for the Cheers or Recent Releases columns; send us your favorite quotes, markets, contests and cyber sites; or contact us about the newsletter for any reason, please email at: wiwa@whidbey.com . For information about the Conference, email writers@whidbey.com . The WIWA Web site is: www.writeonwhidbey.org .
Your newsletter editor is Joan Soltys.

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TO SUBSCRIBE OR UNSUBSCRIBE
The WIWA Newsletter is published approximately every two months and is delivered to subscribers by email. If you would like to subscribe, send an email, with SUBSCRIBE WIWA in the subject line, to wiwa@whidbey.com . If you would like to unsubscribe, please reply to this email with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject, and we will delete you from our records. WIWA will not share or sell your name or email address.